I Miss You

How and where do I even begin... I have to try establish if this is a feeling, a thought or an emotion, but what of it is all of them in one? A FEE-THOUGH-TION. Yes, I think I'll  call it that. In my head lies fragments of the last moment I saw you and even those are brought alive by the convulsions of my center, contracting and releasing at a pace that lets me know, I miss you.

I could hear a thousand words when I wake but everything sounds hollow before you say good morning to me.  Nothing defibrillates the long strayed withdraw that shies from interaction, disregarding tacid agreements that string fluids along. Yes, fluids rushing through to extremities voluntary and involuntary calling for expression far beyond my own will. Thoughts of a bit of me missing are what make me lie awake at night, because it was in creation you were extracted from my greatest dream put asleep in Adam.  Now, from that word alone room was long prepared for you in my heart and in my present it survives only by the stimulation in the emotion you make me bleed out for a prayed for future.

I miss the look in your eye when you catch me staring at you. The very look that decends a smile to your lips when you shy away, allowing the pit deep butterflies to ascend and fly freely in my stomach. I Must Insist Saving Siyabonga, Yearnings Outline Unity, I could break it down for my own sanity but the fact remailns, I miss you.

Tonight, I lay staring at an imagined dream catcher hoping that these last thoughts in my day come alive in my minds theatre on a show called Sleep.  You are the main act and until the joy of presence sees me fit of your embrace I dream.  I miss you deeply.

If...

My mind strays, wavering over ideas of "if." Where will I find council with your eyes offering more than just adventure, a little paradise with a refuge for a searching mind. In the ebb of the tides that pulls me away from the shores of your presence, your calling voice pierces through the sonorous roar of oceans calm, angels are at your call... 

Nations could describe the space in between your nose and chin as a smile, but given a whole new spectrum it would be how countenance inspired euphoria to beam from faces to hearts.  The ease of  its protrusion from a beauty offered shine, sits well inside and that is still not its end, because who can know the depth of thought when we lose so, so much in the nano seconds that the processing of single thoughts offers.  If, by some fiat, could control this process we would take only words from the present and what is offered for a possible future.  If we knew why time was dedicated to its cause outside of its effects, we would want control over it all and in so doing, eliminate the element of surprise, in all its virtue, we would miss the weakening of knees that the pound of hearts causes when we fall in love.   We would miss out on the opening of pours all over our body, offering goose bumps, to that chill of fear or flight to what is presented in fright and awe.  What more if we miss out on tears that cloak our hurt in its release from our systems or miss out on the other side of it which atonement, joy and overwhelming peace.  We could miss out on laughter which is one of the greatest heart offerings that wants nothing less from your body but breath, a little sound and a sigh right after, its simplicity is enough.  All of this is your voice, believe it or not. In sound or in silence I hear it in your eyes when you stand a far.

If I were deprived of all my senses, only heaven would offer messages to ensure the propulsion of life in me and with just who you are, heaven has called with a greater voice than I had imagined.  If I knew nothing and if heaven was not, then humanities entire existence would have not come to life, because in Generations, a mans Lifetime, has awaited your presence and it is only by Grace and Mercy that I came to contact with God’s light.

To How We Met

Before I say what I want to say I just want to remind you of what has brought us to this moment.  I am speaking about a time, a place, an day and certain emotion that filled the room, injected to all those present by euphoria.      

Words sit idle on tongues as an introduction is yet to avail itself to this encounter, steps towards you brave the thoughts that lie dormant to the appeal that will be given to you.  As my subconscious phases out all those around you, the dimmed out figures grow less as I draw closer to you and the music calls out to the tempo of my feet to ground, my heart loud in its pound, in this Glory that my eyes and in hope, my heart has found.  As you become aware of my approach, your eyes dawn a light that that guides my flit across the room.  For the accession of your time not to be found wasted, a smile brightened countenance welcomes a belly deep “Hello.”   Standing there looking lost in a dream, everything is silent to your question of who and how I am to Usher in words that would only be said once, yet an eternity’s foundation would be laid on. (Breath) “ Who I am is still in construction, the designer in prayer, in you, I hope I trust I have found.  How I am is humbled that God does not taunt me with beauty because you to me and all of heavens angels are His best creation. And I dare not ask who and how you are, because the world would stand still in its orbit for me not to have seen the mother of my children and I drop dead in the inability to breath in my new air supply.     

 The night has turned into just a still moment in space, because in our conversation you wield the sewing pin that embroiders  the lifelong quotes that woman such as yourself bring into being. I had wished at that moment of enlightenment, I held your hand to plug you into a live feed to my heart.  Even then, my hopes would have been to synchronise my own heart with yours, because from that moment I saw you as my lifeline.  You had asked when are we leaving but I heard when are breeding, the thought of being joined with you intertwined to string out a vessel to draw us away from the restless urge of belonging.  Realigning the scripture spoken in us being grounded here for hours lost in the transcending emotion, we’re stronger in two.    

 My pride implodes with the enlightenment of being taken, so far a new me has been awakened, humility and acceptance is found.

I Enjoy Watching God Paint.

Earlier today, from a clear iris with clear watered paint He covered an eye with what we call tears narrowed on cheeks to help the feeling of grief and dispair.  At that very moment, He cleared a view to a chapter that saw a spirit risen embodied with a fabric which we all were made, the soil.

Imagine being humbled by a gentle breeze that summoned the afternoon, and without fail night Gleasons with the complements the moon pays to the hour at dusk.  It is only our pensive thought to resigning from the day that does not allow us the evidence of the Canvass. The Ray that pays attribute to the final contribution of the sun to the final hour,  pays homage to to the silver lining in clouds, a message sworn to be the slightest belief to things being better in this life. The contrast is vast but in a few minutes this vision is passed.

The spectrum is spread over the array of our perceptions, of how and when day ends and not over the beauty that simplicity presents. The light only gives way to night because there is a known resurrection in light and night is the only revelation to this truth. From how the day wears you thin, glues your eye shut and you know it as rest. Vivid images, life defining voyages beat increasing never ceasing hour. Turning and twisting on the laid on platform an almost guaranteed victory is granted, because of an ancient long promise of being a conqueror is brought forth, when that Vail brings in light in the morning.  Open your eyes to the opportunity presented in Morning. 

The textures of His paint brushes are seen to us as cultures and creeds, dimensions of origin, tones and Characters.  From the root we all once came, the Adam fruit is spread across 7 continents to complete the day that He rested, to watch only from a distance far beyond our matter. From there He blows winds and exclaims in the thunder we hear when He brews a better day, within, to be without to be alive in Him. The countenances enabled by our expressions, our tones that change through nature, yes including distances of origin closer to the earths belt and the structure we have.

The privilege that astronauts have to see the globe from where it was created, with one hand outstretched, spoken into existence…  Even after centuries it still continues in its molding. Drifting sheets over liquid foundation, this is our world and God paints everything we see.

Before my Vow

Standing solute in the concoction that love is considered to brew, to many that take the journey only a few find rest in the infinite conclusion that forever has its foundation claiming two hearts.  This is no dream, it is God’s weaving power and in you I have found my material that only He can sow.

The depths that my subconscious, who’s only preparing now, has found an unknown source that only faith can inspire, is found in a reflection clichéd by today’s generation.  Yes, I speak of looking into your eyes.  My every thought comes as your countenances , your neurological charges are found in my smile.  The pairing of words I find bestowed to our tongues has LOVE recreated by the Glory of my awakening in YOU.  I said it, I love you.

Ideas of when we wed seem farfetched when my mirror projects more of a riddle than it does a reflection, you.  In total contrast I would have never known about discovery if i stayed unbelieving that you mirror the virtue within.  The centre that gravity is found in, is the point of return when all emotion has flown all over like tempests flaring over seas calmed only by the turn of the atmospheric pressure. Your certainty draws me closer to sanity.

The wonder called paradise is a island that the honeymoon will offer for only just a tease, I dare note maroon any of my senses because forever is more than just a fiddle of chance.  Found closing my eyes, beneath my eyelids is an inscription to help harness my dreams, which well groomed they form my imaginings who take nothing less than being a reality.  Hearts as one’s proprietary rights are held by my vow, every night I see it.  The inscription reads: “I will honour you.”

Growing Up

In an observation of the possibility of being lost in the translation of adulthood as a young adult, I have discovered that the reception of peers could lead to my demise. We are served with ambiguous possibilities, the probability of which is not well aligned with our dreams or aspirations.

We spend time with people and spend time in circles we never imagined we would pay reference to, in jest information we're not conscious of at the time and out of cognition we assimilate thoughts that make us feel that we belong. My question though is my own worth in this. Our character, however, I have found is always the bit that makes us well suited or not in our reception and reaction to all of this. So then, what do we learn in our daily lives that allows us to grow? The falsified yet so, so true representation of depth and genuine facades are relations of our own emotion, in the theories that what we are we attract through the universe. This means that with my "friend" that is older, the assumption is made that maturity descends in conversation, or better yet the ascension of mental capability on my end in correspondence of the relation at hand.

We then spend time with our being, other known as self, cradled by conscience and subconscious and enlightenment embedded in thoughts comes about. We realign perceptions and views we best know how and we nurture our own growth with reference from external factors, that are somewhat a pivotal contribution to our conclusion as choice. In all of us resides a favor that is not tangible, formidable in its presence, audible in its mark, irrefutable in its Glory.

I cannot deny this, I cannot run from this growing up, is what it is.